Disembodied
For the first time in my life I am completely and utterly without friends. Earlier this school year I split ways from a group of 6 or 7 of my friends with my best friend. All of this happened during a time in my life when... well a really bad time in my life. I went away to a hospital to seek help a week after splitting ways (not because of that) for about a week and when I came back my best friends that was more like a sister than a friend started to treat me differently and hold me at a distance and within that week she got mad at me for no texting her that I wasn't going to be at school that day and stayed mad at me for a month without talking to me and this inevitably resulted in the end of out friendship.
After everything that went down was a lot more dramatic than what I am letting on and a lot more happened but frankly I don't want to get into all of the details but I have to tell these ones in order for my story to make sense. So once we went our own ways being at that school became very uncomfortable because not only did I have to avoid my old group of friends but now I had to avoid my ex best friend that seemed to hate me with a firey passion for a reason I still don't know why to this day. School became a place that I hated being at more than anything else and was still required to go. And to make it even worse I was behind in all of my classes and was drowning in makeup work. So now when I look at someone I wonder whats really going on beneath the smile. What pains are they trying to conceal? What are they going through right now that makes life harder for them?
And even now that I am mostly away from that old environment it helps but is almost worse. Now I am going to two schools but only part time; so I not really a part of either. i miss inside jokes in both, not truly a part of either. Even though the environment at the new school overall is so much more welcoming than the the old. I am still a floater.
Feel Free to Comment if Your Really Feel Like It :P
We all go through hard times, and it's through those hard times that we realize who our true friends really are. I would just let them walk away, and hold the door open for them at that. I think that your experiences will make you a kinder and more empathetic person as you grow up, and take heart that you will meet better people in your life as new doors open for you. We are all floaters here at PCR (LOL) and we love having you here Shyann!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI had a miserable experience with a friend in high school too (remind me to tell you about it someday). While it doesn't help now, it did get better for me. I think the older you get, the less you care what other people think :) Its like you learn to like yourself enough to do a better job ignoring others.
ReplyDeleteStill - I was struck by this phrase in your post: "Now I am going to two schools but only part time; so I not really a part of either." I'm sorry you feel that way. It makes sense when you say you miss some "inside jokes", but part of that may just be the nature of teenage boys versus girls. I think you'd miss some of the jokes even if you were here all day! We don't think of you as being an outsider, if that helps at all...