Olan Rogers is a Balm For My Soul

          So if none of you have seen any of Olan Rogers Youtube video... well your life has been a sad meaningless existence. This man is the best story tell in the world.  Just check out this first story. Yes I know he is very immature but sooooo funny that is makes you laugh until it hurts. This specific video I watch whenever I feel low and down in the dumps (hahaha you will get it if you watch it.) this story from Olan Rogers is call the Ghost in the Stalls.

         So now if you liked that video and are like me, once you have discovered Olan you just can't put him down and start to binge watch his amazingly hilarious videos.  This next one that I have supplied for you is called The Package Delivery. Be prepared. 

MUST SEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Olan Roger at Camp! Enjoy the story of him at camp the story of his calves.

Valentines Day candy 

          

Gettin' a Little Personal (VI)

          I have gotten a lot of the same responses to telling people I no longer talk or see my biological mother. This response is "but she is the only woman that gave birth to you". And to tell you the truth that is a very narrow minded point of view. It takes a lot more that an egg and 9 month (or in my case 8) to be a mom. It takes putting forth the effort to continually know your daughter and understand that she changes daily. And as someone who judges without knowing my reasoning you need to know that there is a difference between mom and mother. And for a lot of people, they are one in the same. A mom is someone you can count on; she holds you when you cry, she takes care of you when you are sick. She knows you through and through. Whereas a mother is someone who made you. I have both, but they are two different people and for as long as I can remember they have always been two different people. My mother has never in my memory been a mom.

          So before you judge me and favor and feel bad for the woman you don't know, know this; these are only a few of the many stories that I have. When I was 5 she had me and my sisters stay in our van in January so that her boyfriend could stay in the house because there was a court order that her could not be in the same house as us. Her reasoning was that she said we asked her if we could. My question for you is would you say yes to a 5, 10, and 11 year old, to stay in a van in the middle of January? I hope the answer is no.
          When my parents were going through the initial custody battle my bio mother tried to accuse my dad of abusing be. and the JUDGE stopped her before she could even start and told her "Unless you have some pretty compelling proof, you better drop it." My dad has NEVER laid a hand on me EVER, and she tried to pull that. 

          There was also a time during the custody battle with my parents that I was so badly worked up about not wanting to go with my mother that weekend that my dad was not going to have me for any reason so when she got there (I was around 5 or 6). My dad had a tape recorder going this entire time that she didn't know about when he was talking to her. When she found out I wanted to stay she demanded to see me and tried to guilt me into going with her, but my dad stopped her. She then tried to PHYSICALLY rip me from my dads arms and take me. . And when he rushed me back to the house, my step-mom and grandma were inside to take me so that he could continue to deal with her. But that that didn't seem to stop my "mother" because she tried to barge her way into the house so my step-mom locked the door. I remember bawling so hard and being so scared and my grandma, and my mom holding me (my step-mom is who I consider my mom) and after that outside my dad called the police to get my mother to go away. When they arrived she tried to convince the police that my dad hit her. My dad played the tape for them and could plainly see that he didn't. The police let me stay with my mom and dad that weekend since we had court the next day.  

          Throughout the years my mother frequently would manipulate me and threaten suicide. She would say things like " You don't want to come down this weekend? If you don't want to come down anymore just tell me. Its fine if you don't love me anymore.", "If you don't love me then then there isn't any reason for me to be around any more. No one needs me. Why do I even stay here.". I didn't even realized that this was manipulation until this last year when I went into therapy again and my therapist enlightened me. And after that realization I looked back on all of my experiences with my bio mother and we didn't have and great times and she never took the time to get to know me. We never had a real relationship. It was fake.
          So, in short I am sick of people judging me about cutting a person like this, a person who has made my like worse. Who will I was in the hospital for depression found or that she was a major contributing factor to being pushed over the edge.
          The relationship I had with my mother was toxic. If it were anyone else such as a friend or a boyfriend everyone would be jumping down my throat to get away from such an unhealthy relationship; but since this was my mother most people tell to patch things up and give her another chance, as if I haven't been giving her chance after chance after chance for the last 17 years. So I am much healthier at the moment without her and my plan is to keep her out of my life until the day comes that i think of her and don't absolutely hate her for what she has done; when the day comes that I can think of her one day and genuinely wonder if she is doing well and want to meet with her and start again fresh. 
          I realize that some of you that are reading this may be thinking that she is only human and that she has made some mistakes, but she is an adult she knows right from wrong and her ultimate goal all of these years should have been what was best for me and my sisters. But she wanted to "win" She could see how happy I was with my dad and mom and manipulated me ti come down when I really didn't want to. I wish with all my heart that I didn't think of my own mother like this but thats the way it is and the people around me that have witnessed everything that has happened over the years have seen the same thing. 
          But with all of that I have been lucky to have someone in my life that I have not been related in blood, but that never matter for a minute for her. from them moment I met her her has been a surrogate mom. The fact that she isn't my blood mother hasn't ever mattered to her she views me as her daughter and I view her as my mom. She has been the person who held me while I cried. She was the person who I molded my self after, she has been my role model. My mom was the person who would have lively debates with me. She is the person who can go through a store and know for certain whether or not what she is buying I will like.(And yes this is important because this means she really knows me). She is the one who helped me with my homework, sometimes late into the night. She is the one who edits all of my papers. She is my best friend as well as my mom. I say thanks everyday thats I was able to be raised by someone that could give me the structure when I was little and the friendship when I was older. Its a had balance to maintain to be both a mom and a friend but mine did it.

Harley and Batman in Heaven

This is an assignment that I did for my English class one day. I thought it came out pretty well I hope you think so too. It is modeled after Emily Dickinson and Elvis Presley in Heaven by Hans Ostrom

Batman and Harley Quinn in Heaven

She calls him Brucie, finally caught

up on the identity of the famed Dark Knight.

He calls her Harls, and is constantly amused

with all of her tomfoolery even here.

In heaven Bruce no longer has to mask

himself with his cape and cowl. He now wears his true identity

and emphasizes it with a simple shirt and pants.

No more hiding now that the work is done.

Harley went through many changes

through the years. She dons her classic

black and red slim jumpsuit, carrying her hammer.

She gets up to her best antics in this outfit.

Bruce and Harley take walks in Heaven talking

of old times, of old battles.  She begs for his secrets

to escaping Puddin’s traps. Which he gracefully

slips out of and distracts her.

Harley, up to her timeless tricks, teaches

him a new way to think,

teaches him how to let loose and be free

He plays along and enjoys the unlikely friendship.

Bruce explains how to be honest and fair.

He calms her when she yearns for the Joker.

He puts up with her crazy mood swings.

She comes to enjoy their unlikely friendship.

They know why God make them

roommates. It’s because Gotham was their home;

its because they had a lot to share;

its because they have a lot to learn and laugh with each other.

Sexuality/ Eroticism

          Here in America and for that matter most parts of the world woman are expected to conceal their sexuality; and if they do they are labeled names like "whore", "slut", and so many other nasty names. But on the opposite end; its not surprising to see a man be promiscuous. So my question is what is the differences in the sexes truly? Why is it fair for one to express their sexuality how they like and the other, it then becomes uncouth. The answer is centuries and and centuries of societal influence.
          Now onto eroticism. With the movie 50 Shades of Grey coming out there has been a lot of back lash for the extremist saying that this is the devils kind of sex. If you look on youtube with the trailer of the movie you will find a long list of comment from various religious persons that swear up and down that this is an unhealthy relationship and that this relationship should not be a role model for anyone. The fact is it really isn't. It's and escape. A romance novel with whips. Its something for people to escape they own daily problems  no one is basing their own relationships on this one and if you all of the sudden are changing your life style to accommodate this one you have other problems but that is a very very small percent of the readers and watchers of the story. So theres that. And as for those people that didn't know that there was this type of sexual activity; wow, way to be sheltered. 

Feel Free to Comment:P

Cats and No Not the Musical Mixed with a bit of a Gettin' a Little Personal (V)

          I don't know how many of you out there are cat people but I definitely am. Think what you might but I love my kitties to death. Now I have three cats, but two are more of my parents and the third is definitely mine. She only stays in my part of the house; my bathroom and my bedroom. She doesn't venture out into the other areas of the house. By the way her name is Malia.
          Now as a person who has owned various pets all of her life, I cannot wrap my head around why the "odd" pets are always hardest to adopt at the shelters. These "odd" pets are those that have received injuries over the years: such as lose of limbs, or are over the age of 5 year old, or have unusual coloring. All of these qualities make them unlikable but the general populous and as such unadoptable and they spend month or over a year in humane societies. But these "odd" pets are some of the most sweet and lovable creatures I have met, personally if I could adopt them all I would but I already have a lot of animals.  By the way this is not exclusive to cats when I was writing this I was talk in about dogs and turtles and rabbits as well. 
           I have volunteered at the Humane Society of the Palouse on several occasions and it is really hard looking at the tags on the cages and seeing how long and animal has been there at the shelter without a family. And I am not trying to guilt anyone into adopting an animal, I just want to raise awareness about these other beings that are so intelligent and just want to have a family. So if you are looking for a companion just go stop by you may fall in love with someone there. And if you aren't the Humane Society is alway accepting volunteers to socialize with the animals; because if you think about it they are limited to being in their cages until someone socializes with them and animals such as dogs and cats are very social animals require a lot of attention and so if you find yourself with a little bit  of time to kill sometime and you love animals try it out. It is very fulfilling. 
          My recent addition to my family, Malia. We welcomed her into our family this last summer; she is 8 years old we got her from a friend of a family friend who was moving and to be honest she is my exact copy.  I love that cat to death, and she is attached  to my side. When you first meet her she is very quiet and they slowly she becomes more vocal until you can't get her to shut up. She complains all the time. She is very sassy. She only allow you to be close and affectionate with her when she allows. She doesn't cuddle. By all of these things you would say she sounds like any other cat you have heard of but I have never seen anything her equal. Except me:P. My Mal is just like me and in her almost year with us she has only connected with me, and is only cordial with the other members of my family. She is the first cat that has official been mine and all mine. So with her I am the crazy cat lady hahahaha. 

So You Can Add This to the List of Things to Know About Shyann, she is a Feminist an Animal Rights Activist I Guess

So Be Nice to Your Pets and Feel Free to Comment:P

Gettin' a Little Personal (IV)

         I think no matter who we are, we have a tendency to get caught up in the negative and get stuck there sometimes. So I decided to share a way that my therapist suggested I battle my chronic negative thinking. 
         All you have to do is find a little box. Now what you do is everytime something good happens make sure you write down what happened on that slip of paper and put it in the box. Depending on how frequently you want to look at them you can open the box every week, or month, or every other month, or at the end of the year and remember all of the good things that happened to you. 
        As human beings we have a tendency to focus and rehash and remember the negative and we don't balance that out with focusing, rehashing, and remembering all of the good that happens. We may do it with the extremes like vacations but what about after a long day having someone you love just wrap their arms around you and watch tv. Those thing slip out of head within an instant and I think that those are the things that are worth treasuring. 
        Also remembering to compliment ourselves and remind ourselves that we are worth being loved. and worth people getting to know. No matter how sappy that sounds. 

Be Happy and Feel Free to Comment:P

Gettin' a Little Personal (III)

          In my last weeks post I talked about how for the last few months I have been without any close friends. In all honesty it has been the most peaceful moments of my year. I haven't had to deal with the drama that comes with accidentally offending your best friend and having them be mad at you for several days. I don't have to put up with being insulted and then believe that they were right. I also haven't had to deal with the obligations that come with making sure I hang out with them enough so they don't think that "something is going on". It has truly been peaceful.

           These last few months I haven't been looking to make any connections with people just have fun; but when I say that, at the same time I am not opposed to the idea if that makes sense. From my experiences you meet some of the coolest friends in the weirdest circumstances so I am just going along with the flow not cling to people. 

          A few months back I remembered being so scared at the thought of losing all the friends I was so close to but now with the knowledge that they were not good friends and that I am better off with out them and that I am better off without the drama, it all feels so much better.  But I have one thing to thank of my ex best friend, she helped me realize that I am truly and independent person. I don't need people around me to be whole and for me that is a satisfying thing to know. I now know that when I am on my own I will be fine; but not just fine happy. 

Feel Free to Comment:P

Dropping Out

         It seems that a common topic around here at PCR is dropping out. A lot of people are giving up hope and feeling that the best choice is the real world. All I have to say about that is THIS.

          Is this a decision that you are truly going to be proud of 10 years from now and those of you considering this are going to say "Yeah" but of course you are because you are consumed in the overwhelming odds that you are facing; and yeah you probably think that yeah this is the best decision for me for this year and the next year but WHAT ABOUT 10 YEARS?? In 10 years most of us with have families we will have to provide for and most of us ideally want to have jobs that we enjoy. So why not do the most we can to make sure we can get that far.  Now a job we love doesn't necessarily mean a job that pays a ton or take a ton of schooling but now a days a 4 year college degrees was what a high school degree was 20 years ago. So fight through the seniority, we all have it, we all find this useless at time, but we do it anyways.          
           Instead of looking at the entire block of time you have left just think I just have this period. That's all you have to do. That's what I was told to do when I was going through a hard time and talk to your teachers and tell them what you are feeling and going through they will understand; they will help you out. 

         Your other options are... what? So you probably have a part time job at some fast food joint, with no benefits. Your options are at the best to move in with a few people in a small apartment and then you have to worry about theft and everybody eating the food you have bought for yourself with the money you have worked really hard for; because all of you are broke. Now what happens if one of you become extremely ill all of you become ill because you are in closed quarters. Now the problem with that is you have no insurance. So no antibiotics for any of you guys; hence missed work, no money. Now lets think of what all of think will never happen because we think we are young and our bodies are invincible. You find out that you have some sort of illness that needs to be taken care of right away; surgery right away. then right there you have several thousand dollars in medical bills and a part time job to take care of it and you have to account for recovery time. 

          Now lets talk about cars; being really broke you probably have a beater car, and with beater cars comes malfunctions. Are all of you planning on becoming master mechanic's overnight to fix your  broken down cars and even if you do, there is the expense of paying for the parts, the various fluids, and if you aren't a good mechanic then the expense of paying someone to do it.
          My point is that there are a lot of expenses that as teenagers we take for granted these days. A lot of unplanned expenses happen all of the time that can bankrupt someone. So I think we owe it to ourselves to try and get as far as we can in our education and set goals for yourself, even if you don't reach those goals its important to set them to know what you want and keep striving so you don't say in one place. Your not doing this for anyone else. As hokey as that sounds you need to invest in yourself because there is nothing better to put your efforts toward. 

Holding Hands Down the Highway

        Alright so I bet when you read my header you were probably thinking 'what the heck is she talking about'. "Holding hands down the highway" is something my mom and say to describe drivers that stay side by side in both lanes, instead of using the left to pass the slower right traffic. But alas it seems that the people of Moscow and Pullman don't know this system and don't know that that is what you have to do.

       But there I was today picking my mom up from work after school like everyday and we got behind two sets of couples that wanted to hold hands down the highway. They did this for the majority of the way too; it was actually quite impressive. It kind of reminds me of when you try to stay up in sync with the person next to you on the swing set, on in this case it more of a dominance issue. More of a "Oh no you don't. I won't let you pass me." kind of thing.  
           In all honesty I love it when I see these drivers it makes my day. I root for them when I see them and I root for more cars to join in. All the while I sit back and watch the festivities. So I encourage you to see how many cars groups of cars you can get up to on a four lane highway mine so far is 3 groups of 2 (woot woot). Have fun and be safe!

Feel Free to Comment:P

Gettin' a Little Personal (II)

Disembodied

          For the first time in my life I am completely and utterly without friends. Earlier this school year I split ways from a group of 6 or 7 of my friends with my best friend. All of this happened during a time in my life when... well a really bad time in my life. I went away to a hospital to seek help a week after splitting ways (not because of that) for about a week and when I came back my best friends that was more like a sister than a friend started to treat me differently and hold me at a distance and within that week she got mad at me for no texting her that I wasn't going to be at school that day and stayed mad at me for a month without talking to me and this inevitably resulted in the end of out friendship. 

          After everything that went down was a lot more dramatic than what I am letting on and a lot more happened but frankly I don't want to get into all of the details but I have to tell these ones in order for my story to make sense. So once we went our own ways being at that school became very uncomfortable because not only did I have to avoid my old group of friends but now I had to avoid my ex best friend that seemed to hate me with a firey passion for a reason I still don't know why to this day. School became a place that I hated being at more than anything else and was still required to go. And to make it even worse I was behind in all of my classes and was drowning in makeup work. So now when I look at someone I wonder whats really going on beneath the smile. What pains are they trying to conceal? What are they going through right now that makes life harder for them?

          And even now that I am mostly away from that old environment it helps but is almost worse. Now I am going to two schools but only part time; so I not really a part of either. i miss inside jokes in both, not truly a part of either. Even though the environment at the new school overall is so much more welcoming than the the old. I am still a floater. 

Feel Free to Comment if Your Really Feel Like It :P

Speed Limits

         Alright something I think the general population of Moscow, ID 
needs to know. Right after the stop light by Walmart and Applebees up until the 35 mph sign is still 45 mph from the Moscow-Pullman highway. SO DO IT. 3 out of 4 people are doing 35 on the stretch of road and it frustrates me to no end. If you look the 35 mph sign is lined up with the 45 mph sign for the other lane of traffic so that that all four lanes will be doing the same speed for that whole stretch. So please, please save my sanity and just do the speed limit. 

Feel Free to Comment:P