Scotland

          I first heard this song while watching the CW show Reign. It is their theme song called Scotland by the Lumineers. I have no words for how much I love this song it is just so beautiful. Even if you don't like the lyrics you can't deny that these peeps can play their instruments! You just have to give it a listen. Tell me what you think :P

Feeling a Moment

          Do any of you have that song that you have someone listen to that really speaks to you and you want them to feel the song the same way you do. You just sit there and watch them listen to the song and they never seem to feel the same way you do. They may end up liking the song, or loving it; But you end up disappointed. So my solution is to share with you guys one of those songs that I feel. Then there is no pressure in the moment for you to like it just enjoy it. So this song is quite appropriately titled, it is called feeling a moment by feeder. Enjoy! And feel free to comment :P

Charlie Boy

          This is this weeks song. I have loved this song for a long time and its beauty has not faded in my eyes which makes me like it even more. My tendency is to play a song to death; but I can't seem to do that with this song. Most people know the Lumineers from the radio, but no one i have talked to has heard of this song. So I am raising awareness.  This is Charlie Boy by the Lumineers.

Aquarius

          I have decided that I would start posting my favorite song of the week. I have been a fan of this group for about a week now and then while I was watching a show and they had this song in the background and I fell in love with it instantly; not just because I am an Aquarius either. To give you a background on this group they take older songs and do covers of them in a soulful sometime techno version. And without further ado this is Aquarius by Digital Daggers

Loss of Control

          The worst feeling in the entire world is the feeling of having absolutely no control over your body and your emotions. I have a history from earlier this year as most of you might know if you have read my earlier posts of when I was hospitalized for 7 days for depression. Well when I was there they found my golden ticket for making me feel amazing and normal for the first time in a year and half. But then one little thing happens and you get a deadly syndrome and they have to you off of then one thing that has been making you feel like you connect with the people around you. The doctors tell you that you will be ok and then you start to feel like the world is ending and you start to feel like how you did right before you went into to hospital the first time.
          For the past little while the only emotional range I have been able to feel is feeling irritated at the little thing that people do that normally before I would have been able to ignore and wanting to curl up in a ball and cry ro a week and not stop. And I can feel like this at the flip of a coin.  I hate not feel in control of my body anymore. I envy those people who can walk through the store for more than 10 minutes and not feel like they are being surrounded and can't breathe as well as many other effects. All these months I thought I was doing well and that maybe possibly I would be able to come down a little bit off of my anti-depressants but now I know that all that I was feel was the chemical help. And to tell you the truth that makes me depressed. 
          Nights are the worst time for me. I think of the cumulation of all the bad things that happened to ove the day and mix that with how tired I am it all just swirls in my head and it is a cocktail for bad thoughts and I end up dreading the next day because who would want to face a day that was anxiety ridden as the one you just faced. Who wants to face that day to day? For the past couple of days I have actually been contemplating quitting this quarter of school and focusing on my health but at the same time I refuse to give up. I am so close to the end, I have put in so much work to get here and the finish line is within sight and it would be like me just siting down in the middle of the race when I only have 50 more yards to go even though I am having bad chest pains. But ya know what I can finish I can make it the 33 more days and graduate. I will do this. I just wish this hadn't happened now and that this hadn't happened to me again. I don't wan't to feel out of control of my body. 

Feel Free to Comment:P

Old Friends

Old Friends ( Imitation of  Oh, Oh by William Hathaway)

Months of feeling the darkness,

the sinking black hole that won’t let go

I woke up today to the perfect rainy day.

Today I knew I would finally be fine;

I sat outside on the hammock, waiting

I lay there feeling the onslaught of water on my face.

breathing in the cleansing air,

inhaling the scent of the earth beginning new,

dawning new life.

I lay there patiently longing for him.

I enjoy the time I have to myself for the time being,

and then there opposite the yard I glimpse

he, who has been the center of all of my fantasies.

The black hooded figure makes his way towards me,

hand outstretched, I do the same.

He will take me from the pain. He will save me.

Finally answering my cry; Death has arrived.

Sexism

          I am so sick of the constant sexism that I am being surrounded by every day. Its horrifically disgusting to hear people say that "men and women are psychologically different. Its been proven." And yeah when you hear it like that you stop and think; 'wait can it be true are the sexes mentally different?' and the answer is yes there are differences but when looking at it, it doesn't work out in the male genders favor. Once I heard this little thrown out fact, trying to prove that women are weaker mentally than men, I was like a dog with a bone and decided to do a little research. 
          Here is what I found.

Psychology Today
 1)Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Web MD
2)and while you are at it this too.

          And while I could give you more sources that women are just as strong and even slightly stronger than the male brain I do believe that those two sources prove my point just enough. So the next you, any one who reads this decides to make a slur about the opposite sex, do your research and know what you are talking about. An if you really want to check out how strong women really are and how they face adverse situations and still stand tall and all of the thing that women have to go through in countries other than ours, then read  Sex and World Peace  

Feel Free to Comment :P

Gettin' a Little Personal (VII)

        I cannot wait to be done with school. Graduation is approaching and it seems as though it will never be here. 
         Today I received my graduation announcements for MHS and they are all pretty and stuff. Yeah how do you like that language. Sorry I really don't know what to talk about this week and this was the first thing to come to mind. 
         I guess another thing that comes to mind is that it is very difficult finishing up this year when the people around me induce migraines and then make them worse. I understand that this is a condition that I have to deal with but it is also unnecessary for my peers to scream immaturely ALL THE TIME. I am all for having a fun time but you don't have to screech and scream and yell when you are in the middle of class, especially when I and other people are forced to be with you for 2 hours. So just be considerate of the people around you please. 
          I just want to get through the next 2 months and graduate and in order to do that I need to be here at PCR even when I have migraines and that is very difficult.  Its difficult concentrating, and articulating, and not grabbing the next person who talks above a normal Shyann-migraine-day-approved level and smashing their head against the wall a few dozen time so they know the pain that I am feeling at the exact moment. So all I ask is some consideration especially since the migraine I have had this week I have had for 3 days and I can't get it to got away not with my Relpax or my Sumatriptan injections, nothing. So please help me get my education while you are getting yours as well. 

Feel Free to Comment:P